Hello friends!
I hope this post finds you well and thawing from winter. It is evident Spring is on her way and ready to warm up the ground and help the flowers blossom. I am both excited to see her but cannot help feel a little sad that winter is almost behind us.
But there are…
Life can be such a whirlwind of different emotions. Highs and lows. Grief does that. It sneaks in when you are at a high to bring you back down again. I have been enjoying my new home in the mountains to the fullest extent. We have big picture windows looking out into the pine tree tops. We have snow glistening, glittering, melting but more on the way tomorrow. We constantly see different wildlife roaming the back yard from deer, birds on the new feeders I put out, to a raccoon that looked like it was 30lbs! We have been here for about two months now and the excitement ceases to fade. But something just recently started weighing on me and I could not quite pinpoint what it was. I saw my behavior start to change a bit. Old comforting yet unhealthy habits coming back with a vengeance. Why?
Once I looked at the calendar and saw that March was starting at the tail end of this week, and it all became clear. My sisters birthday is coming up. March 2. And while it’s been almost 17 years since I lost her, her birthday still brings up some really hard feelings to manage.
One of the definitions of grief is, “The anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.” per the apa.org. Although there is certainly anguish, that definition does not seem to fully grasp the feeling of grief. The feeling of a loved one lost. There really is no way to describe the way it feels to lose a sister. Your first friend. Your best friend. But the feeling of grief is very real. And consuming. Like a cold wet and heavy blanket that is draped over you. Weighing you down. Making it hard to move.
But there are brighter days…
Winter can linger, but we always know Spring is right around the corner. Same with our feelings of grief. We do not need to live in our places of sadness and anger. Of despair. We can feel them, move through them, and move on. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing to pull you out of the dark hole of grief. Almost as if it is too deep and you cannot simply just climb out. Just like the Spring sometimes has trouble shaking the winter. You can have a string of beautiful, bright, sunny and warm days followed by a cold dark and cloudy one. Such is nature, such is life. Each season we grow and learn how to better “shake the winter” just as Spring does.
But there are brighter days ahead for us…
Start to look for things that bring you happiness. Excitement. Joy. Pull yourself out of the dark hole of grief by surrounding yourself with things that light your soul✨ Listen to your favorite music, read your favorite books, go to your favorite coffee shop, go outside in the sunshine, snuggle with your pups. Whatever it is — immerse yourself in it. Really allow yourself to enjoy it all. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. If you would have told me 17 years ago that I would be here and genuinely happy with my life, I would have never believed you. When I look back on how far I’ve come in my life, with my grief, and most importantly with my happiness…I am glowing with pride in myself. There is nothing that can take away or diminish the work I’ve done to get here. Not even the dark hole of grief.
But these ARE the brighter days!
Our lost loved ones would want us to enjoy our lives. If you spend your time in grief, sadness and hurt, you will miss all that life has to offer us. There is so much beauty and light in this life. Every single day we are surrounded by it. Here are a few (or maybe a lot) of things that pull me out of my dark hole:
Hearing my kids say good morning to each other
Having my kids run and give me a hug and kiss in the morning
A good morning kiss with my husband
Watching my dogs goof around
Coffee
Morning sunlight
Watching the birds at the feeder
Watching my kids use their imagination
Watching my kids learn through homeschooling
Reading The Sackett Series
Eating nourishing food daily
Exercising
Seeing the full moon
Seeing all the starts with no light pollution
Listening to Greg Maroney (Piano music)
-AD
I lost my dad 9 months ago yesterday and I feel as though the dark clouds and endless winter are, indeed, starting to ease. But his birthday is coming up - March 2nd, too - and I’m worried about being dragged under again. Just as I’m starting to find my footing in the light. I wish you peace and joy on Saturday, as I’ll be searching for them myself.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Such a good reminder that grief eases and snow melts. My sisters birthday is March 4th and I'm trying to "shake the winter" of grief off myself too. There really aren't adequate words to describe losing a sister. My heart aches with you.