Hey Guys and Happy New Year!
Welcome to the very first weekly post from The Honeymama Journal! Happy to have you joining us here.
Rightfully so, at the end of each year we’re all thinking about the next year and how it’s going to be better. A lot of people come up with wildly unattainable New Year resolutions and feel crappy about themselves when they fall to the wayside a week or two later. When coming up with resolutions for each year, I go in knowing they won’t be perfect and knowing they’re going to take a lot of personal growth and effort. I don’t like to put a number on a resolution like, “this year I’m going to lose 10lbs” because if 10lbs isn’t reached but 9lbs is, it takes away from all the hard work it took to lose the 9lbs which should also be celebrated. In any sense, this year I’ve come up with a few resolutions. Some I’m excited to start and others, not so much, but all will be beneficial in the end. My first resolution is to put out weekly posts on Substack. It doesn’t sound like much but while managing and homeschooling three children, anything other than that can be a lot. Another resolution is to read more books. I love reading and learning or reading and being swept away in some fictional story – mostly in post apocalyptic stories. The final resolution regarding myself is to care less. I want to care less about what other people think of me and not let anyone's opinions bother me. I know this will be hard and will always be a work in progress but this year I’m going to start being more aware of the space I allow other people’s opinions in my head. Some of the resolutions I’m not looking forward to starting, even though I know they are necessary and will only help in the long-term typically involve the kids. For starters, they need less TV time. We have been pretty routine in allowing them a lot of screen time and we have noticed how it affects their behavior and it’s not great. Glossy-eyed while using their selective hearing…makes my head spin! And yet, here I am, allowing them to do it day after day. Until now! Good-bye hours of Bluey and Cocomelon. Honestly, it’s better for them to not be in front of the TV for a long time but I can’t help but think not hearing those shows in the background will also revive what's left of my sanity. In relation to making sure my children don’t turn into TV zombies, I want to get them outside more. They need that sunshine, that fresh air and all the free play that being outside brings.
Now that we’ve talked about the future, this prompt is going to take us back to the past. I’ll be writing a letter to my younger self.
Dear Young Ally,
Whew, can you believe we made it? Sometimes I still can’t. Each new year/birthday (since they’re 2 days apart) brings me more surprise than the last that we’re here. We’re 31. I want to start by saying I’m so so proud of you. You have overcome SO much, probably more than you should have had to at your young age, but you have done it. Sometimes it was with grace, and other times it was with a lot of alcohol. HA! But all the work you’ve put into yourself up until this point has gotten you to where you wanted to be. A handsome, loving husband and three beautiful children. I know you’ve always wondered and dreamed about what it would be like to be a mother and it is so much better than anything you’ve ever dreamt up.
I don’t have much to say other than I promise, all of the sadness and heartache and loss and grief and anxiety…it brings you to such a wonderful place of realizing how to take care of yourself and what you deserve. All of the hardships lead you to the life of your dreams even if two very important pieces are missing. Without the bitter, how could you ever enjoy the sweet? Stay strong, keep moving forward, and ask for help when you need it. As you grow older, you’ll learn so much about life, love, family and friends. You’ll learn who you can trust through it all and who will fall off your radar. You’ll also learn that when people fall off your radar, it’s not always a bad thing. Enjoy your days, enjoy the sun and enjoy all the love you have in your life everyday. It’s always there.
-Ally
I won’t lie. I’m a little disappointed by the letter. I thought I would have this long and drawn out letter that was full of wisdom and profound words. I was drawing a blank while writing it. Such is life, I suppose. Sometimes we have these ideas and they don’t play out in the way that we would like them to. Sometimes it’s our fault and other times it's due to circumstances out of our control.
I think I’m going to revisit this prompt. Maybe in 6 months or maybe in a year. I want to see if maybe my writing has improved, or if I am able to allow myself to be more vulnerable to the internet and all its eyes. I want to continue to grow not only as a writer but as someone who continues the growth in learning about themselves. How to feel, how to articulate feelings, how to express my feelings in such a way that could maybe help someone else out.
Thanks for sticking by me for the last 6 months as I started this journey. And if you’re new here, thank you for joining me. Time is so valuable and the fact that you chose to spend a few minutes with me means a lot! Until next time…
Keep growing…
Ally, I loved the letter to your younger self—it even made me teary-eyed, cuz it spoke so much to me. I should follow your prompt, & do the same I think ❤️