Hey y’all and Happy Saturday!
I hope everyone is out enjoying their holiday weekend! We took things slow this morning, enjoyed (a lot) of coffee, and then hit the playground with the kids. We have plans to go hiking tomorrow and Monday which I’m very much looking forward to. The idea of being completely immersed in natural beauty just really gets me hyped. There really is nothing better.
Yesterday, I met with my new therapist for the second time. She is so lovely, informative and attentive. Exactly what I need and want from a therapist. She walks me through my thought process and helps me find the necessary holes in my logic. In just two sessions, I feel like I have a better understanding of what’s going on in my head. Our first goal is to work on being present and in the moment. Something I have known for a while that I need to work on but I really didn’t know how. One of the big reasons I think I’m not so present is because I’m always bringing my phone with me. Even when I’m not doing anything on it. So this morning when I woke up, I had a few chores to be done and made sure I left my phone downstairs. Anything I wanted to do or say on my phone could wait until I was done. To no surprise, I was more efficient and got my chores done in what seemed like record time.
When we went to the playground, instead of taking pictures, I decided to leave my phone in the stroller. I enjoy taking pictures and documenting our times together because I don’t have that many pictures with my mom and sister (who died in 2007) and I wish that I did. I don’t ever want my kids to have a lack of photos of themselves as kids together or us as a family. But today, I kept my phone in the stroller (only grabbing it once to get a slow-motion of Baby M going down the slide which was SO worth it). And again, it’s no surprise we had the BEST time. I was running around with the kids, jumping off stuff with the kids and just really enjoying them being kids at the playground. I ended up on the swings and the revelation I came to was just what I needed at this point in my life.
M wanted me to swing as high as I could and jump off. “Great”, I thought. I’ve been avoiding the swings for some time because of the dizzy spells I’ve been having. But today was different. I decided I wasn’t going to be a wet blanket on the playground adventure. So I got my butt on that swing, and started swinging as high as I could. At first I was nervous, thinking it would make my dizzy but I stopped allowing my thoughts to run away with negative things happening. I kept swinging and swinging and finally jumped. Suspended in the air, I was immediately transported back to when I was a little girl. Swinging and jumping off was literally my favorite thing to do at the playground. My husband was laughing, my kids were cheering and thought I was so cool. It was EVERYTHING. I landed and everything was fine. Could you believe I actually enjoyed it and did it again and again?!
My mind started wandering. Not in the way it usually does in worst case scenarios and catastrophes but I tried to remember when I stopped going to the playground as a kid and how as an adult, I was so far removed from physical play. Now, I’m not saying when the playground is full of kids I’m going to wait in line and go down the slide or keep kids off the swing because I’m using it. But where and when do we lose our drive to explore and play? Is it at a certain age? Is it because of school? Is it puberty when we’re more interested in looking cool than swinging on the swings? I honestly don’t remember. What I do know is that I want that drive back. I want to explore and be curious and push my body to physical limits as an adult.
During my workouts I push my body to physical limits but it’s just not the same. You don’t see young kids lifting weights (to stay in shape and stay healthy). They just…are running and jumping and playing. That’s what I want to add back to my life. When we go out hiking, I want to work on being present and PLAYING. Whether that means playing tag in an open field, telling my kids they can’t catch me (and they really can’t because I’m super fast LOL), or maybe surprising the kids with little water guns when we get to the end of the hike…WHATEVER it is, I want to add fun and play back in. I want to act like a kid again. And I’m not going to worry about what other people think or how they look at me.
My new outlook on parenting and my personal journey – Being silly and prioritizing play with younger kids is essential for their development. To teach them to continue to pursue the things that make them happy and not just what they’re told to do. One of the reasons I am homeschooling is to ensure my children have time to explore life and not go to school for 8 hours a day then come home and do homework. I want them to have time to explore their surroundings, thoughts, and ideas without the pressure to make everything work or get a good grade. And ya know what? That’s the same advice I want to follow. Even in my writing, I have no clue if everyone who reads this just laughs at me or rolls their eyes. I’m realizing, this isn’t for anyone else. This is for me. This is a creative outlet for me to release ideas and energy with the hopes that it resonates or inspires someone else to do something like it. I hope I can do right by my children and they grow up into adults who respectfully refuse to conform to a society that will chew them up, make them work their entire lives just to spit them out without a care in the world. My children, OUR children, deserve so much more than that and if we aren’t going to give it to them, then who will?
Don’t be afraid to break free of societal norms if it feels natural to you. My parenting journey has a lot to teach me but what i’s already taught me is that it’s up to me to forge the path my children follow and to allow them to create their own set of core values. If what you’re doing doesn’t align with what you’re feeling or thinking, change it up.
Stay motivated
-A
Beautiful ❤️ I love how you’re embracing life like a child, and finding ways to break free. Good reminder for most of us “grown ups!”