Nostalgia
Being a parent is easily the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. For so many reasons. Some of the more obvious reasons like overflowing with love, gratitude, and pride. But there are some rewards that sneak up on you when you least expect it. That happened to me this week. This week has been a whirlwind of chaos and upon checking the weather for the weekend, I saw our first snow was forecasted. Saturday and Sunday, 1-3inches each day. I lived in Pennsylvania until I was 24. Then I made the plunge and moved to Florida by myself, leaving my entire extended family in small town PA. We used to get together for all the holidays and Thanksgiving and Christmas were really just a great, cozy and warm time. After living in Florida for just shy of a decade, winter/Christmas…it all just lacked the excitement that I was used to. Fast forward to present day, we are currently in Colorado and the first snow is forecasted. Although, I’m not used to snow before Halloween, I’m super jazzed about it. My boys (6&4) are so excited. They told me they’re going to build a snowman, who they’re going to throw snowballs at (me), and how they’re going to make snow angels. Discussing this with them gave me that warm and fuzzy nostalgic feeling. It instantly transported me back to the 90s.
“There are a few moments in your life when you are truly and completely happy and you remember to give thanks. Even as it happens, you are nostalgic for the moment, you are tucking it away in your scrapbook".” -David Benioff
Missing my sister, Courtney, often comes at the most random times. When I see a glimpse of her in my daughters laugh and smile, when I’m reminded of a funny memory by a family member, or simply when I wish she was here to experience her nephews and niece. For those who don’t know, my sister (age 13) passed away in a car accident with my mom (age 37) in 2007. I used to think not seeing them everyday was the hardest part of it all, but now I know it’s not being able to experience their relationship with my kids. My sister and I were close although we did go through the typical sisterly fights. Mostly over clothing. We did almost everything together and played with the same group of neighborhood kids. A lot of times (since my parents separated) it was just her and I against the world — out exploring our little small town and just enjoying each others company. Court was always down to go out and play in the snow. We played in my grandparents yard building snowmen and pulling each other around one sleds. We built tunnels and igloos out front when the snow plows pushed all the snow up on the sidewalk. I remember being out there for HOURS with her. There’s one time in particular that came back to me when I saw this weekends forecasted snow — at my grandparents house in their back yard, we were building in the snow, it was dark and the town was just…quiet. Everything was silent. The porch light shining on huge flakes coming down. I just stood there and took it all in. Really looking at my sister and thinking how grateful I was to have her. Looking at the sky and thinking about how grateful I was to just exist and experience that moment. I don’t think I really understood what I was feeling then. Looking back now I know what it was. It was gratitude. Gratitude for my sisters life and for mine. Gratitude for the universe putting us together.
When I look at my own children and see their bond and witness their “siblinghood”, I’m really just in awe. I get that same grateful feeling. Grateful they exist, grateful they have each other, grateful they like each other and enjoy each others company. A lot of times when I’m watching them do something, I know they’re storing this moment in the roledex without even realizing it. I can tell some moments are going to be stored for the rest of their lives just as I have my stored childhood memories. It’s truly a surreal feeling to watch and see them making their own childhood memories. I think that’s the source of my excitement for this coming weekend. My kids will get all bundled up, complain about all the layers and how they can’t move, then go enjoy the crap out of playing in the snow with each other. This is the first time they will get to play in the snow together.
I was a little nervous about moving to Colorado. I mean, the main reason I moved from PA to FL was to get rid of winter and have endless warmth and sunshine. When we got here in April, it snowed 3 separate times. Not enough to play in or do anything in but they at least got to see it. To be honest, the first time I saw it again, I got emotional. Maybe it was that nostalgic feeling creeping in, or maybe I was just sad that I had missed seasons for almost 10 years.
Just as there are seasons each year, you go through ever changing seasons of life. In my early 20s, I wanted sunshine, beach, warmth and no winters. In my early 30s, settled down with a family, I want those ever changing seasons. I want my children to experience snow. I want them to see the mountains. I want them to have and experience everything that I can offer them. Mother Nature knows what she’s doing when she transitions the seasons. It’s personal. Just as the leaves change and fall in Autumn, you prepare yourself to slow down and capture as much sunshine as you can before winter comes. The excitement and coziness snow brings gets you baking, reading, or going out to play in it. The warmth of spring brings you out of hibernation and back into the sunshine. Flowers bloom, luring you out of the darkness of winter. And finally, the sun, the Vitamin D, the recreation of summer keeps you active.
There are so many ways to enjoy parenting while including nature. It’s not always as fun as bundling up and throwing snowballs or making snowmen with your kids. But every single time you’re outside with your children, you can make it a learning experience for them. Look at the plants growing through the concrete, or the flowers in the pots, or the trees in the forest. Who knows, maybe you’re creating a memory they’ll hold on to for the rest of their lives.
Keep makin’ those memories, friends.
Have a lovely, filling, warm and cozy weekend!
-AD