I laughed at your comment on 'gossip'. Many years ago I watched Canadian journalist Pamela Wallin on her talk show talking about gossip. it was interesting, and I wound up writing that gossip was actually more honest than the news. If I remember my argument, the news has the intention of creating the idea of truth of what is happening, and so is a lie. At least gossip is often grounded in truth, while having no pretence of creating something truthful. And yet, to not gossip is important, although not as important as stopping reading, watching or listening to the news. :-)
As to change. Yes, to all you have said. And I would like to offer you an interesting and one of the (superficially) easiest changes you can do that will help with all your other changes you want to make. And to change the energy of your life positively at the same. Notice and stop using 'have to' as a motivator for yourself. And also, stop using it to motivate others or as an excuse not to do something. As to the latter, the common 'It was nice to see you again, we really have to get together soon', knowing that that is actually a lie.
I have a long discussion on this, best done orally. Perhaps I'll stack it. For now, here, a short version. I'll say that with self talk, saying 'I have to' do this or that is one part of myself bullying another part. That creates resistance and push back from the part that truthfully knows I don't *have to* do anything. It will fight me and so accomplishing my 'have to' task becomes more difficult to complete, and perhaps even draining. And if I succeed at the 'have to' task's accomplishment, I will have a kind of ambivalent feeling about that because I 'successfully' bullied a part of my self that will feel defeated. I stopped 'have to' in my language almost 20 years ago. It is, imo and experience, a game changer of life.
Instead, opt to 'choose to' do this or that. Or 'want to do'. And then you will discover that have to often comes from a place of weakness that offers an unconscious opt out card. You will begin to limit the chosen actions because to choose to act is to be powerful and to act. To have to act often comes from a place of weakness and allows the actions to pile up into craziville. You will feel both good and bad by not completing the 'have tos' because the bullied self with feel vindicated: 'See, I was right. I really didn't 'have to' do that after all.' It is a total mess.
I think you have inspired me to write that up into my substack. I have more, including 'should' and 'try' and even the subtly evil concept of 'deservedness.' OMG! So much to write.
ps. thank you for subscribing to my stack. All the best, with peace, love and gratitude.
Nice share, Ally. Thank you.
I laughed at your comment on 'gossip'. Many years ago I watched Canadian journalist Pamela Wallin on her talk show talking about gossip. it was interesting, and I wound up writing that gossip was actually more honest than the news. If I remember my argument, the news has the intention of creating the idea of truth of what is happening, and so is a lie. At least gossip is often grounded in truth, while having no pretence of creating something truthful. And yet, to not gossip is important, although not as important as stopping reading, watching or listening to the news. :-)
As to change. Yes, to all you have said. And I would like to offer you an interesting and one of the (superficially) easiest changes you can do that will help with all your other changes you want to make. And to change the energy of your life positively at the same. Notice and stop using 'have to' as a motivator for yourself. And also, stop using it to motivate others or as an excuse not to do something. As to the latter, the common 'It was nice to see you again, we really have to get together soon', knowing that that is actually a lie.
I have a long discussion on this, best done orally. Perhaps I'll stack it. For now, here, a short version. I'll say that with self talk, saying 'I have to' do this or that is one part of myself bullying another part. That creates resistance and push back from the part that truthfully knows I don't *have to* do anything. It will fight me and so accomplishing my 'have to' task becomes more difficult to complete, and perhaps even draining. And if I succeed at the 'have to' task's accomplishment, I will have a kind of ambivalent feeling about that because I 'successfully' bullied a part of my self that will feel defeated. I stopped 'have to' in my language almost 20 years ago. It is, imo and experience, a game changer of life.
Instead, opt to 'choose to' do this or that. Or 'want to do'. And then you will discover that have to often comes from a place of weakness that offers an unconscious opt out card. You will begin to limit the chosen actions because to choose to act is to be powerful and to act. To have to act often comes from a place of weakness and allows the actions to pile up into craziville. You will feel both good and bad by not completing the 'have tos' because the bullied self with feel vindicated: 'See, I was right. I really didn't 'have to' do that after all.' It is a total mess.
I think you have inspired me to write that up into my substack. I have more, including 'should' and 'try' and even the subtly evil concept of 'deservedness.' OMG! So much to write.
ps. thank you for subscribing to my stack. All the best, with peace, love and gratitude.